Marital Woes SMS

Q: Why do most women sleep in the afternoon ? A: So that they can screw the tired man all night and blame him for poor performance!!	Ladki: Tum Honeymoon k liye kahan kahan Gayi thi? Saheli: Shimla, Kasauli, Mussoorie, Nanitaal. Ladki: Achhaa... kya kya dekha Wahan pe? Saheli: Sirf CEILING FAN!
Wife: Muje lagta hai apka Rita k saath najayaz rishta hai. Hubby: Ye tum kaise keh sakti ho? Wife: Kal jab uske husband aye, to apki underwerr pehne huye the.	Recommended Dosage of VIAGRA New Girl friend: No need, Old G/f: 1/2 tablet, Mistress: 1 tablet, Wife: 2 tabs + whisky + blue film + will power + her permission.
In bed frustrated wife was moaning to her husband: Why is it taking so long to cum? Husband: I'm trying dear; it's just that I can't think of anyone tonight!	A time comes in life when your wife begins to trust you. It doesn't mean that you have become Enlightened. It doesn't mean that you have turned a Saint. It just means that you have lost your hunting abilities; she is convinced that you cannot even catch a running tortoise, leave aside a PUSSY.
Wife 2 naked husband: Why r u walking around, the neighbours can see ur thing? Husband: So what? Wife: They'll think I married u for MONEY!	Wife A: I hate my Engineer husband. Erect & Erect. Wife B: I Hate my Doc husband. Inject & Inject. Wife C: U both r lucky, mine is judge… Tarik pe Tarikh
On their first night: Husband: Is it really ur first night? Wife: No... No...Actually it is first time at night.	Woman was having pain during delivery. Husband prayed: Oh Lord! Please make it lose for the Baby and then tight for the Daddy
Doc: Reports have got mixed up. I don't know if ur wife has AIDS or Alzheimer Man: What shld I do? Doc: Drop her in the middle of town, if she comes back DON'T FUCK	The groom stood naked in front of the mirror: 2 inches more & I'd be a king Bride: Yes, 2 inches less & you'd be a Queen Recommended dosage of viagra: New Girlfriend: No Need Old Girlfriend: 1/2 Tablet Mistress: 1 Tablet Wife: 2 tabs+whisky+Porn Movie+Will Power Wife: My hubby & I have, what he calls-olympic sex . Friend: Wow, must be a terrific sex life? Wife: Not really. It only happens once in 4 Years. Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does. A man was charged with Necrophilia (having sex with a dead woman). The judge said; I havn't seen such disgusting case in 20 years. Can you give me one good reason why you did it? Man: I can give 3 reasons.It' non of ur business, she was my wife and I didn't know she was dead as she always acted like that. Pappu meets his father in red light area. Pappu: Papa aap yahan? Father: Bus beta ab 200-300 Rs ki cheez k liye teri maa k nakhre nahi sahe jate. Wives are funny creatures. They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does. Man: Sex ho jaye? Wife: No. Man: Jewar le dunga. Wife: No. Man: Car le dunga. Wife: No, No, No. Beta so raha tha, bich me bola, Meri marlo, Cycle la dena. Letter to mom by her daughter a month after her marriage: Fine here mom, but one problem... my husband keeps on fucking me all the time... while bathing, cooking, dish washing even while washing, Ironing clothes! I'm fucked up mom... Any idea to control his urges? Sorry for the SHAKY HANDWRITING. What is a man's definition of foreplay? Half an hour of serious begging! Every married man keeps wondering every evening: Should I go out and look at what I cannot fuck or....Stay home and fuck what I cannot look at.... A man stands nude in front of a mirror n examines himself: I wish 2 inches more & I'll b a king. Wife sitting behind: I think 2 inches less & u'll b a queen. Wife bought a new transparent Bra, wore in front of her hubby. Hubby: Issme tum bahut sexy lag rahi ho. Wife: Pata hai ! Salesman bhi yehi keh raha tha. What is the difference between cheating ur wife and cheating on the taxman? If u get caught, the taxman still want to screw you. A frustrated father's defensive reply in a sms msg to his offensive unruly son... I should have wasted u in the bathroom! One lady delivered twins, surprisingly one is boy & other is dog... How is it possible? Her hubby is a hutch user... Wherever he goes his Network follows. Dentist didn't get erection on wedding night so he used finger. Wife: What's this? Nothing honey, just a temporary filling Wife n Mobile: 1) Dono hi dusro ke achche lagte hai. 2) Dono hi naye achche lagte hai. 3) Dono ko hi raat bhar charge karna padta hai. Husband: I fancy kinky sex, how about I cum in ur ear? Wife: No, I might go deaf! Husband: I've been cumin in ur mouth 4 15yrs & u r still fuckin talking. Ek pathan ki shaadi ke 3 din baad uski patni boli, "Maine apse shaadi is liye ki hai ki humare bache hon, is liye nahi ke mujhe poty khul kar aaye. 'Great, just what I need,' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven. 'One more thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.' Mother: Do u know the meaning of Mangalsutra? Daughter: Yes, it is the license to enjoy Kamasutra. Q: What is the resemblance between a woman and a condom? A: They both fit around your dick and are present in your wallet. Q: Why does a woman have two pair of lips? A: One is for fighting and one is to make up. Lady 2 Maid: Tu saare kaam mein bekaar hai! Bai: Bister mein to aap se aachi hoon! Lady: Tujhe sab ne bola kya? Bai: Nahin, driver bol raha tha! A man kills a deer & cooks it but doesn't tell kids what it is. He gives a clue: It's what mom calls me. Boy cries out: Don't eat it. It's a fucking asshole. Suhagrat ke time darvaze pe dastak hoti hai toh dulhan bhag k parde ke peeche chup jati hai. Husband: Kya hua? Dulhan: Mujhe laga police ki raid par gai. Son kills a butterfly. Dad: No butter for 2 weeks. Son kills a honeybee. Dad: No honey for 2 weeks. Mom kills a cockroach. Son: Dad u tell her or should I? Man: Bless me God! My son is drug addict, my daughter is a call girl, my wife is a gambler. God: Is anything +ve in ur family? Man: I'm HIV positive. Unborn twins in the mother's stomach saw a penis. 1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai. 2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante. Rosemary divorced Mr.Lele b'coz she was sick of telling her name,"Roz Meri Lele." Imagine her tough luck, she was re-married to Mr. Marlow Husband: Jee karta hai ki tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon. Wife: Neeche kya mohalle wale ghusengey? Description of prostitute, wife & girlfriend in mobile language? First one is prepaid, second is postpaid and the last one is democard. Man 2 wife on wedding night: R u sure that I'm the 1st man you have slept with? Wife: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Playboy has started a special edition 4 married men. The same woman is featured every month. A doc advising his patient who had a heart attack: No smoking, no drinking & hv sex only with ur wife because it is important that you avoid excitement. Ek bahu saari raat paraaye mard ke saath sokar aayi lekin uski saas ne kuch nahin kaha, why? Kyonki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi!! What's the difference between stress, tension & panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, tension is when g/f is pregnant & panic is when both r pregnant. 'Great, just what I need,' she moaned as he brought home a new microwave oven. 'One more thing that heats up instantly & goes off in 20 seconds.' It has been determined that the most often sexual position for married couples is the doggie position! The hubby sits up and begs while the wife rolls over and plays dead! Wife n Mobile: Dono hi dusro ke achche lagte hai. Dono hi naye achche lagte hai. Dono ko hi raat bhar charge karna padta hai.

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Adult Shayari SMS

Badi hasrat thi ki kholein unki salwaar ka nara, Sanam ki berukhi dekho ki nangey hi chale aye, Wah wah wah	Kashti toofan se nikal sakti hai, Taqdeer kisi bhi waqt bhi badal sakti hai, Hausla rakh, channel na badal, SANIA MIRZA kisi bhi waqt Jhuk sakti hai
Ansoo tere nikale to aankhein meri ho, Dil tera dhadke to dhadkan meri ho, Khuda kare ki apni dosti itni gehari ho, Baap tu bane to Mehanat meri ho!	Kya aap SEX karte hai, Kya aap CONDOM use karte hain, Kya aap AIDS se darte hai, To aap HATH se Q nahi karte hai, HATH chale to AIDS tale.
Door gaon mein ek basti thi, Wahan ki ladkiyan bahut sasti thi, Unki ga#d mein itni masti thi, Jitna dalo utna hasti thi., But why r u smiling?	Mangta hoon to deti nahin ho: JAWAB MERI BAAT KA Deti ho to khada ho jata hai: ROM-ROM JAZBAAT KA Kyon bolti ho ke dheere se daalo: BALON MAIN PHOOL GULAB KA.
Arz kiya hai: I am a dog and u r a flower, gaur farmaiega I am a dog and u r a flower, so let me lift my leg n give u a shower!	Paro aur chandramuki ka noor app pe barse, har koi aapke sath sone ko tarse, aapke jeevan me aaye itni ladkiyan, ki app CHADDI pahen ne ko tarse.

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gande sms

Last nite i went 2 bed without u…cold,naked…

Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..
cold,naked,thinking of u,
missing ur warmth,
ur soft touch against my skin.
Where were u "lastnite"

Come here, take off your pents and knickers

Come here, take off your pents and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving yours…..toilet!

Always start your day with a lot of S E X …

Always start your day with a lot of… S E X
S - SMILE
E - ENERGY
X - XCITEMENT
so make S E X a daily habit, and youll always B SUCC SEX FUL! in LIFE.

In a bothroom, boy touches a girl everywhere

In a bath room, a boy touches a girl everywhere! You Know whose that boy? Stupid It's Lifeboy Soap! Dirty people always think dirty.

pehlay hath mai lo, phir mun mai …

pahlay hat ma lo
phir mon mai lo
phir thook lagao
phir sidha karoo
phir sorakh ma daloo
uff..
kithna muskhil ha soi mai dagha dalna

I want to suck you … lick you

I want to suck you … lick you … wanna move my tongue all over you … wanna feel you in my mouth … yep, that's how you … eat an ice cream!

Us nay kaha aur dabao

us ne kaha or dabao,
main dabaya,
us ne kaha or dabao,
main ne or dabaya,
us ne kaha baniyan nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya,
us ne kaha pent bhi nikal do phir dabao,
main ne phir dabaya . . . �
dekha ho gya na suit case band:)

Aik bar karo na plz…

Aik bar karo na plz..
kisi ko pata nahi chalega..
plz karo naaa……..
muje acha lage ga…
aik bar hamari dosti ki khatri
kar do na plzz…
aik pyara sa SMS!!!

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Gande hindi SMS

Biwi pani se bohat darti hai

Sardar : Yar meri biwi pani se bohat darti hai.
Friend : Acha wo kaise?

Sardar : Yar kal mein ghar gaya to wo bathtub
mai bhi security guard k sath bethi thi.!!

Lady wanted 2 go 2 toilet

In a party a lady wanted
to go to toilet so
she inquired with a sardar
papaji susu karne ki jagah dikhao,

sardarji replied u naughty
pehle tum dikhao.

Itnay saray bachay aik sath

Teacher: Bacho batao k billi 1 sath itnay
saray bachay kaisay paida karti hay?

Kid: Miss agar aap road pay billi ki
tarah ghoomo to aap ko pata chal jayega…

Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!

Boy:chalo kisi sunsaan/viraan jagah chaltey hain!

Girl:tum aisi-waisi harkat to nahi karoge?

Boy:bilkul nahi!

Girl:to phir rehne do…

Sardar on phone:

Sardar on phone:

Doctor my wife is pergnant.She is having pain right now.

Doctor: Is this her first child?

Sardar: No this is her husband speaking…

aaj tumhein akeiley mein….

aaj tumhein akeiley mein…
le ja kar…
apney hontoon se eik…
k…
ki…
kis..
kiss…
kissa sunaon bili aur chohey ka……….

Yeh sokha ander jata hay, aur gila bahir ata hay….

Ye Sookha Ander Jata Hai,
aur,Gila Bahir Ata Hai,
Phele Chota Hota Hai,
Phir Ye Mota Hota Hai,
Jab Ye Ander Rehta Hai,
To Ye Red Kar Deta Hai,
Thori Dair Helane Ke Bad Jab Esai Bahir Nekalo,
To Apne Kam Dikha Kar Ye,
Bejan Sa Bahir Ata Hai,
Kuch Aur Nahin Hai Ye,
Es Ko LIPTON TEA BAG ,Kahty Hain.

A girl phoned me

A girl phoned me
the other day and said …
"Come on over, there's nobody home."
I went over. Nobody was home

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Adult SMS / Text Messages

Tujhey sub pata hai

Child:papa aunty ka pait kion phola hai?
Father:tujhey sub pata hai!
Child: nahin pata promise!
Father: in k pait main pani bhara hay
CHILD:Oh No! Bacha to doob jaye ga!

Cheating kion ?

Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye
Phir always ke ad ma cheating kyun?

one girl asked to pappu

1 girl ask 2 pappu : woh kia hai jo cow k paas 4 or mere paas 2 hain?
pappu : legs

Girl : woh kia hai jo tumhari pant main hai aur meri pant mein nahi hai?
pappu: paisay

Girl : woh kia hai jo log din main karne k bajaye ko raat bistar pe kartay hain
pappu: neend puri karte hain

girl : woh kia hai jo larki pehli daffa karwate huye pain
ki wajah se roti hai?
pappu : kaan main ched

MORAL : aap bhi apni zehniat pappu ki tarhan saaf rakhain

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola

Musharaf Reema ka haath pakar kar bola:

"Aao kamray mein chalain"

Reema; "Ki faida, wardi tey tu lani nai"

Usne utari saree…

Usne utari saree
fir aayi peticoat ki bari
blouse to pahle hi diya tha utar
ziyadah excited mat ho yaar
yeh tha kapray sukhane ka taar ….!

Pehlay KISS karo, phir palang per litao

Pehle KISS karo,
phir PALANG per leta do,
phir CHADDI utar do,
phir NICHE haath lagao,
.
.
.
.
Aur check karo k
BABY ne SU SU to nahi kiya na

Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain

Beti: Maa Gaon mein Fauji aaye hain
Maa: andar aaja inki niyat bahut kharab hoti hai

Beti: Maa fauji Pakistani hain
Maa: to bakri ko bhi andar le aa.

Dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun

Train mai aik husband apni wife say:
tujh say shadi ker k pachta raha hun
dil kerta hai tujhey kuttay k agay dal dun

samnay wala passenger:wao wao wao wao!!!

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Adult SMS in Hindi

He came at night, explored my body ….

He came at night,
explored my body,
got on top of me,
touched me, he bit,
sucked, swalowd,
when he was satisfyed,
he left, i was hurt,
.
..
BLOODY… MOSQUITO !!!!

I really deeply wish … on my bed

I really deeply wish dat
u r here with me in my room.
on my bed & lights is off &
we get under the cover together..
2 show u my glow in the dark watch.

2 men went 2 a callgirl

2 men went 2 a callgirl.
1st went in and came out n said
"Na my wife is better."
2nd went in and came out n said
"U R right ur wife is much better."

It's the things that satisfies your mind

It's the thing that satisfies
ur mind, body & soul!
Do it on bed, on a sofa,
in the car or anywhere!
It's called Prayer!
God bless ur naughty mind.

Catch her by her waist…Put ur lips on her lips…

Catch her by her waist…
Bring her home..
Keep ur hand on her neck
Put ur lips on her lips
& have a …
…nice drink…PEPSI

Can we do romance in the midnight today

Can we do romance in the midnight today?
I'm in a good mood:)
Just a little bit of kissing and biting!!
Reply me soon,
yours Loving Mosquito.

Difference between stress, tension & panic

3 FEELINGS
what is the diference b/w stress,tension & panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
tension is when girlfriend is pregnant &
panic is when both r pregnant

Larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hay

Girl to boy: Tum larkay kisi larki mei
sub se pehlay kia daikhte ho ?

Boy: Yeh tou depend karta hai k
larki aa rahi hay ya ja rahi hai …:p

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Adult SMS

What's an average 6 inch long

What's an average 6 inch long
Inside a guy's pants and girls love to blow it up?
?
?
?
?
A:1000- rupee currency note.!
Always think positive

Let me kiss your lips

Let me kiss ur lips,
let me feel ur teeth,
let me feel ur tongue.
SMILE!
This is ur friend
"PEPSODENT"
reminding you to brush ur teeth,
Twice a day Everyday

Full Time Masti … Non stop fun

6 Inch ka hai.
.
Size normal he
.
.
Mazboot he
.
.
Ziyadah mota bhi nahin he
.
.
2 larkiyan dekh chuki hain
.
.
Lena he to bolo?

Full Time Masti

Non stop Fun

Mera…
.
LG KG 195

It's too tight

Girl:It's 2 tight
Boy:Don't worry,I'll do it slowly,
Gal:Push it in,
Boy:Ah..I can't,
Gal:It's painful,
Boy:Forget it.
.
.
.
.
We'll buy new WEDDING RING!

Can kids of our age have kids?

Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher:
"can kids of our age have kids?"

Teacher replied " NO Never!!"

Boy said to girl :
"see i told you not to worry!!!!".

A beautiful girl goes to Professor

A beautiful girl goes to Professor cabin
and
say
that i will do anything to pass in the exams
and professor says
NOW OPEN YOUR
.
.
.
.
.
.
Books And Study

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:
"Me sick, no work"
Boss SMS back:
"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:
"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"

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